When India and Pakistan Play – Bob’s Banter

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India-vs-Pakistan

ROBERT CLEMENTS

As far as India and Pakistan are concerned, the World Cup is over. If I remember right and I am sure you all will agree, the only match both countries look forward to; the match where every television set is on in both the nations, when Modi and Shariff are not gunning for each other, when streets are empty and even wives aren’t cooking but glued to their idiot boxes is when the two countries play each other!

The real World Cup to a billion people is the Indo- Pak match!

So let’s just keep it that way.

Next time the invitation is sent to India and Pakistan to play the World Cup, they politely decline. They tell the organizers that there’s no need to waste player’s energy and muscle in inconsequential matches with unheard of countries like Australia and the West Indies.

Since they are now out of the world scenario, rules can be framed which fit the environment of both countries: Bowlers really don’t need to bowl, not like the British taught them to do, some chucking, not much mind, you, maybe even restricted to three an over should be allowed.

Umpires should be interviewed and anyone with any bias should be dropped. “Do you have any problems with bearded men sir?”

“I love them,” says the umpire.

“Drop him,” say the Indian players.

“No, just have everyone grow beards,” says a hair dye company, “we’ll sponsor the match!” And the problem is resolved.

Since the public in both the countries are so involved in the fortunes of the team, they and not selectors should be allowed to pick their own players. Like the Indian and American Idol contest, where the winner is chosen by public ballot, the same should happen with the team.

“Sachin you have received three million SMS’s! You’ve been picked to play for India!”

“But I don’t play cricket anymore! I play golf!”

“You’ve been selected sir, there’s nothing we can do except send you through a refresher course in….”

“Football?”

“No cricket sir!”

There’s only one area where there could be some reluctance: It’s with the insurance companies!

“Will you insure my house?”

“What’s your profession sir?”

“Cricketer!”

“Will you be playing in the Indo-Pak match sir?”

“Yes!”

“Then I’m sorry sir, we can’t insure your house! We have no insurance against stoning houses if you lose..!”

bobsbanter@gmail.com

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